One of those days.....a random post

Today has been one of those days when I find myself asking, "Why am I even here?" There were no classes at ICBM this week, because they are on holiday. I’m missing the fun I have with the students! (not to mention the great teaching)

It’s been 6 months since I have been in Africa, and I find myself evaluating my life here. There have been days when I find that I have nothing to do and feel I should be doing more, but there have also been some days that I feel completely overwhelmed and wonder how I made it through.

So, I’ve been thinking these last few days about things I can be doing to add to my life, especially with Slovo being done for the time being. I am loving discipling the girls every week. What a joy it has been, even though I feel inadequate. It’s all new to me, and I’m thankful God “pushed” me to step into this new phase of ministry. I’m waiting to hear about some girls from the college that have asked to be discipled. It would be a joy to invest into their lives. Something that I just thought about today was starting a bible study with them after classes one day….maybe Believing God, by Beth Moore? I would love that! And it would enable me to get to know those gals more…I enjoy being around them so much!

I've been thinking about our neighbor, who runs a daycare, and has asked me numerous times to come in and teach. I need to talk to her.

Youth is frustrating…..it’s also been a new phase of ministry for me. I love my girls, but being gone these last two weeks, I found out they didn’t have their DIA time during youth. Why is that? It’s like the most important time of the evening…so why was it overlooked? I mean, I push that more than anything when I am there, and get ticked when they “run out of time” and don’t get to it. Ugh.

I’m also the only female leader, and feel like I have no support, aside from one person. In America at my home church, I asked to be involved in the youth, and they had way to many leaders. I wish it was like that here…that parents would step up and help out….these lovely young guys and gals are the future. We need to invest into their lives. (which I try and do, but it’s been a struggle)

I’m missing my friends more than ever right now. Maybe because I don’t have hardly any here. I want to go out with people, but the interest doesn’t seem to be there or they are just too busy. Is there something wrong with me? Is it this African culture? I know I’m not a go-getter, and I’m more of a follower. It’s hard when you are alone to go out and make friends, especially when you know no-one. And one of the friends that I do have here, I would love to go out and do things with her more. But her schedule and my schedule don’t co-exist very well, so it’s hard to find time. Ugh.

I can’t believe I’m writing this out for whoever to read. It isn’t usually like me. But I needed an outlet…somewhere to share my feelings.

I just really need to seek God right now, and figure out why He has me here. And don’t get me wrong….I LOVE the ministries I’m involved with. It’s a joy! I just feel on days like today that there is no purpose…I’m not making an impact, and I’d rather be back in good 'ole America with the familiar.

God, give me peace and contentment as only you can.

Next week, life will hopefully get more back to normal, with ICBM resuming. I’m also going to Willow Creek’s Leadership Summit…yay. And since the kids from the safe-haven are on school holiday, I'll spend a little more time there, and we'll have a movie day! And I'll get to see my favorite kiddo, Rudi. Boy, do I love him! :)

Thanks for listening.