The story behind it all

Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."

I left South Africa 5 years ago, not knowing if/when the Lord would allow me to return. When I learned there could be an opportunity early on, I got really excited, only for God to close the door. Disappointment. Frustration. Heartache. And the things He wanted to teach me began, one of which was waiting. I’d love to say the last 5 years were all cheery and bright, but the truth of the matter is that God closed many doors and I began to lose hope. Waiting is hard. So. Hard. And waiting is inevitable. You don’t have any control over it. But really, it’s not about the wait. It’s about what you do with it that Jesus uses. It’s a time when God pours and builds into us, as we trust Him and His timing, to strengthen our character and mold us into what He desires for us. It certainly is not easy. God broke me last year, and I fell hard. He revealed things in my life that I needed to deal with. It hurt, but it was filled with His redeeming grace too. I learned so much through that time about Him and loving others better. He gave me freedom that I needed from the sin that was hindering me and what He had for my life.  I see the ways He is using me now and know His purpose and plan for my life is greater than anything I can do on my own, and for that I am so grateful.
 

In October, I received an email that was completely out of the blue. It was from the TEAM South Africa field director asking if I would be interested in coming back to fill a short-term position that needed to be filled. It came during our week long missions conference that I was involved with at church. I was shocked, and yet really excited at the thought that I could possibly be back in Africa this year. I also totaled my car that week, and saw God's protection on my life first hand. He had another purpose for my life!! I spoke to a few missionaries about the email I received, took time to pray, told my closest friends to join me, and really sought Him about how to proceed. As door after door started to open, it became clear that this is what God has for me now. It's humbling to see that He wants to use me in the very place I left my heart in 5 years ago!

These last few months, as I've had a little more time to reflect and ponder all of this, I began to really focus on God's sovereignty and goodness. Last year, when I had my anxiety attacks, the Lord gave me a dear friend who walked alongside me during those painful months. I wasn't always keen on the questions she asked, or the things she had a tendency to bring out in me, or the truths she spoke to me. But God really used her to pour into me during a time of darkness. She revived the passion that I had lost for Africa. I remember thinking, "Why does she keep asking about this? Or why does she want to know that? Does it really matter?" She knew it was a part of me that mattered, and it began to matter to her as well. She asked me the desires of my heart-what I saw myself doing in this great big world. As we sat together in February, I shared with her the exact things I'd be doing in Africa. We both had goose bumps, and tears of joy, because they were the very things I had shared with her a year ago.  Isn't God amazing? I marvel at how good He is to us, His children. 

I'm excited to see what these next several months hold. I'm excited for God to grow me and use me! I'd covet your prayers these next couple months as I prepare to leave. I have one month left with my kiddos, and then around another month before I head out. It's a struggle to balance emotions when you know you have goodbyes coming. And even though I'll only be gone for 8 months, it doesn't make it any easier. :( Please pray for my funds to come in, as well as for the city and people of Durban and the unrest happening there. Thanks so much.

Have you ever found yourself in a hard waiting period? How did God use you through it? Can you look back and see His purpose in it? If you are in a waiting period now, trust God fully. He knows what He is doing, even when you can't see it for yourself! 
 
My friend posted a fabulous post on waiting well here. Check it out.  http://thisoddhouse.org/2015/04/16/5-ways-to-wait-well/